The Inanimate Object Conspiracy

It started yesterday morning, when every object I came across seemed to be working against me. The toaster burned my bread, a kamikaze tube of lipstick leapt out of my hands and dove straight for the bathroom trash can, my computer refused to make a pirated wireless connection, and a bus roared past the stop when I was a block away. Then printers failed to print, copiers spit out sad little parodies of the jobs I'd programmed, and doors refused to stay open as I went through them.

Today, they've gotten more aggressive: Computer keyboards are rearranging themselves under my fingers as I type and various pieces of furniture are continuously throwing themselves across my path to be walked into.

I suppose, of course, that some of this could have to do with a sleeping to waking hours ratio of approximately 1:5 and a consequent inability to operate reliably in the three-dimensional world. But I prefer to pretend that non-sentient stuff is out to get me. It's keeping me entertained while I wait for the real hallucinations to set in.