Ancrene Wiseass

A would-be medievalist holds forth on academia, teaching, gender politics, blogging, pop culture, critters, and whatever else comes her way.

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Location: United States

Yes, this really is yet another blog by a disillusioned grad student. I sympathize, but that's just the way it has to be. For hints as to what my bizarre alias means, click here and here and, if needed, here and here. To get a sense of what I'm up to, feel free to check out the sections called "Toward a Wiseass Creed" and "Showings: Some Introductory Wiseassery" in my main blog's left-hand sidebar. Please be aware that spamming, harassing, or otherwise obnoxious comments will be deleted and traced.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

The Inanimate Object Conspiracy

It started yesterday morning, when every object I came across seemed to be working against me. The toaster burned my bread, a kamikaze tube of lipstick leapt out of my hands and dove straight for the bathroom trash can, my computer refused to make a pirated wireless connection, and a bus roared past the stop when I was a block away. Then printers failed to print, copiers spit out sad little parodies of the jobs I'd programmed, and doors refused to stay open as I went through them.

Today, they've gotten more aggressive: Computer keyboards are rearranging themselves under my fingers as I type and various pieces of furniture are continuously throwing themselves across my path to be walked into.

I suppose, of course, that some of this could have to do with a sleeping to waking hours ratio of approximately 1:5 and a consequent inability to operate reliably in the three-dimensional world. But I prefer to pretend that non-sentient stuff is out to get me. It's keeping me entertained while I wait for the real hallucinations to set in.