Stupid Boys and Other Delights
Could we just maybe set up some kind of service? You know, Dial-A-Dump? That calls Stupid Boys* and tells them which of the utterly predictable Stupid-Boy things they've done? Preferably with sound effects like the one Namco used for Pacman deaths. Clients could call in, enter the phone number of the Stupid Boy in question, and choose from a drop-down menu of the, like, five dumb-ass things they All. Do.
All.
The.
Fucking.
Time.
...................................
"Hello [insert name]. This is Dial-a-Dump (R). [Insert "Requiem for Pacman."] You have been dumped by [insert name] because you are an official Stupid Boy (c). You are a Stupid Boy because you [insert typical Stupid-Boy Violation (c)].
If you would like to take a Stupid-Boy Tutorial (c) that will help you avoid such dumpings in the future, please press the star key now.
If you are an Incorrigible Stupid Boy (c) who just doesn't give a shit, please press the pound sign so we can enter you in our Stupid-Boy Registry (c) and notify every eligible, sentient being within a 100-mile radius of your stupidity.
If you have received two previous calls from Dial-a-Dump (R), please remove yourself from the dating pool until you can grow the hell up.
Have a nice day. Goodbye."
...................................
In other news, the migraine is still around. That's eight days, for those who're counting.
And, oh yeah, I don't think I've mentioned that I lost my keys last Thursday (as in, every single one of my keys, plus my pocket knife and jump drive) and cannot find them anywhere?
My computer is definitely dead, and I have a major deadline on Friday for an article that will pay my rent next month. If I finish it.
Teh awesum.
**Works very hard on seeing the positive possibilities for change or whatever in all this, because I am reading Self-Improvement stuff and becoming more Enlightened and all that rot.**
---------------------
*Please note that I fully recognize not all men are Stupid Boys. Some men are marvelously grown-up, kind, considerate, and aware. I just seem to have a really hard time encountering any men of that sort who are close to my age, interested in me, and single.
All.
The.
Fucking.
Time.
...................................
"Hello [insert name]. This is Dial-a-Dump (R). [Insert "Requiem for Pacman."] You have been dumped by [insert name] because you are an official Stupid Boy (c). You are a Stupid Boy because you [insert typical Stupid-Boy Violation (c)].
If you would like to take a Stupid-Boy Tutorial (c) that will help you avoid such dumpings in the future, please press the star key now.
If you are an Incorrigible Stupid Boy (c) who just doesn't give a shit, please press the pound sign so we can enter you in our Stupid-Boy Registry (c) and notify every eligible, sentient being within a 100-mile radius of your stupidity.
If you have received two previous calls from Dial-a-Dump (R), please remove yourself from the dating pool until you can grow the hell up.
Have a nice day. Goodbye."
...................................
In other news, the migraine is still around. That's eight days, for those who're counting.
And, oh yeah, I don't think I've mentioned that I lost my keys last Thursday (as in, every single one of my keys, plus my pocket knife and jump drive) and cannot find them anywhere?
My computer is definitely dead, and I have a major deadline on Friday for an article that will pay my rent next month. If I finish it.
Teh awesum.
**Works very hard on seeing the positive possibilities for change or whatever in all this, because I am reading Self-Improvement stuff and becoming more Enlightened and all that rot.**
---------------------
*Please note that I fully recognize not all men are Stupid Boys. Some men are marvelously grown-up, kind, considerate, and aware. I just seem to have a really hard time encountering any men of that sort who are close to my age, interested in me, and single.
posted by Ancrene Wiseass | 9:59 AM
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